Soos' Ridiculously, Cray-Cray Journey Home
by Boolia
Summary: Remember at the end of 'Roadside Attraction' when Dipper, Mabel, and Stan left Soos in that corn maze? This is how Soos got his way home with a taking dog and a sassy cat. Based on the cryptogram during the credits. Also Soos goes to the house of three sisters, but are they not what they seem? One-shot.


Soos' Ridiculously Cray- Cray Journey Home

Happens after 'Roadside Attraction'

Soos spent hours and hours in that corn maze. It was coming twilight, and crows flew on him, thinking he was a scarecrow. Soos laughed as their feathers tickled him.

" _Stop it;_ I'm not a scarecrow. I'm a human." They all began pecking him. The handyman shook them off.

"Okay, dudes. Seriously, you all need to get off." They stayed put. "Shoo, shoo, be gone! _Gosh_ , get off of me!" They all few off, all except one. Soos looked at the crow, and shook his arm.

"I don't mean to be rude, little crow, but you need to get off. The crow stayed put. "Come on, get off; get off." The crow didn't budge. It just looked at Soos. Soos sighed. Soos then saw a lone apricot on the ground.

" _Huh,_ I wonder where that apricot came from?" He then saw an apricot tree near by. He bent down to pick it up, the crow staying on his arm. He examined it. His stomach growled. " _Man_ , I'm so hungry, but I shouldn't eat this. It was on the ground." His stomach growled again. He shrugged. _"Oh well_! My stomach is telling me something different." The crow saw the apricot Soos was going to eat. He cawed, flew, and took it from him from its talons. _"Hey_!" The crow flew on the ground, lifted his talon to its mouth, and ate it. Soos gasped. _"Hey; no fair_ , that was mine!" The crow cawed again, and flew off. Soos shrugged. "Guess it's yours now since you already ate it." He waited some more.

An hour latter, it was nighttime, and it was the tempature was cool. Soos was shivering.

 _"Man_ , it's a cold night, but I must stay here. Abuela says too."

 _"Hey_!" A voice shouted.

 _"Huh_?" Soos asked. "Who said that?"

"I did." Soos looked all around.

"I can't see you."

"Down here!" Soos looked down, and saw nothing but a bulldog. He looked around again.

 _"Where_? All I see is this bulldog." The bulldog sighed.

"It's _me_ you idiot; the bulldog. I'm talking to you!" Soos looked at the bulldog, shocked.

"Are-are you talking to me?" The bulldog rolled his eyes.

"No; it's the corn stock that is talking to you. Of course I'm talking to you! I just said that I was."

 _"Whoa_ ; I didn't know that dogs could talk. Aside from cartoons, that is."

"You still watch cartoons?" Soos nodded.

 _"Uh-huh_ ; they're awesome! I may be a grown man, but I'm a kid at heart." The bulldog rolled his eyes again.

 _"Whatever_! Now, let's get out of here." He then scampered off. He went back when he realized that Soos wasn't coming with. " _Hey_ ; aren't you coming?" Soos looked at him.

"No; I'm staying put."

 _"Why_?"

"Because I shouldn't go with strangers. I was told that; although I think they meant humans, but I think strange talking dogs also fits that category." The dog sighed a third time. "I'm Bob. Okay, I'm no longer a stranger now. I was also the one who shook that apricot tree for that crow for you. You are welcome. Can we go now?" Soos shook his head. Bob groaned. " _Why_?"

"Because I'm lost. And whenever I'm lost, my abuela says I should stay put."

"Look, I don't know what an abuela is, but…"

"It's grandma in Spanish."

"But I do know one thing, if you stay here, you'll freeze to death. Now, I don't know about your abue…grandma, but I think she wants you to live. Now, you're a grown man, so if you want to stay, be my guest. But if you freeze to death, it'll be your own fault." And with that, he ran off. Soos stayed put, and looked up at the sky.

"Oh, Stan, Mabel, Dipper," He said to himself, looking sad. "Where are you guys?" Soos then heard a coyote and an owl. He became scared. He sighed.

"Sorry, Abuela." He ran off. "Hey, Bob; wait for me!"

"Bob, do you know where we're going?" Soos asked after a few minutes. They were still running in the corn maze. "Do you know how to get out of here?" The bulldog led him out. Soos stopped and looked around. Bob sat down on his haunches and looked at the handyman.

"You were saying?"

" _Wow!"_ Soos breathed. "I guess you really did know the way out."

"Well, _duh_!" Bob told him. "Of course I did. I know this maze from the back of my paw. I've been though here more times then I could count. Well, I'm a dog, so I don't know how to count."

"I can count in Spanish and in English!" Soos realized that Bob wasn't amused. "Sorry." He changed the subject. "So, do you know where home is?"

"That depends. Where do you live?"

"Gravity Falls, Oregon. I work at the Mystery Shack there."

"Sorry. I don't know where that is, or what that is."

"It's a place with several oddities in it."

"Well, I still don't now where. Soos frowned. "But, I do know where the bus stop is. _Come_ , I can take you." Soos smiled.

"Oh, _thank you_!" A calico cat then scampered up to them.

 _"Fred_!" Bob scolded the cat. "You're very late. I don't know what time it is, but you're late!" The cat mewed, rolling its eyes. Soos was confused.

 _"Fred_? Aren't most calicos girls?"

"Yes, but this is still my daughter. Do you have a problem with her name?"

"No, no, I just never met a girl cat with a boy's name."

"Well, that's what I named her. You can't tell me what to I can and can't name my own girl."

"Yes, this is a free country. You can name her whatever name you please."

"That's more like it." Bob looked at Fred. "Now, Fred, I'm getting Soos here to the bus stop. You can come if you want." Fred looed at Soos, and bowed to him, giving him a meowing.

"Well, hi there, Fred." Soos greeted back. "How's it hangin'?" Fred mewed.

"She's 'hangin' well." Bob translated to Soos.

"Oh, that's nice to hear." Bob turned to his daughter.

"So, are you coming or what?"

"Oh, I'm coming." Bob turned to Soos.

"Not you! Fred!"

"Oh." Bob turned back to Fred.

"So, what's your answer?" The cat talked in her cat speak. Bob nodded with a smile.

"We'll be happy to have you."

"So, is he…I mean she coming? I don't know what's going on. I don't speak cat."

"Yes." Bob and Fred went off. Soos did as well.

"This is the bus stop." Bob told Soos when they were there. "Now, go on in." Soos was puzzled.

"Aren't you two coming with me?"

 _"Hello_ ; we're animals. We're not allowed."

"Well, I'm an animal and I'm allowed."

"Well, you're a human; we're a dog and cat. We're different."

"Oh yeah." Soos then thought up a plan. "And you're not going to pretend I'm your service dog. And I don't think there's any such thing as a service cat, and even if there was, you don't need both. You're a grown man. You can go by yourself." Soos was about to say farewell to them, when they saw a bus take off.

"I hope that wasn't the bus you were supposed to get on."

"I hope so, too." Soos then ran in.

Soos came back a minute later.

"That was the bus." He told the animals, who were still there. "And I missed it."

"When is the next one?" Soos shrugged.

"I don't know."

"Well, here's an idea. Why don't you ask?"

"Great idea, Say, why are you two still here? Weren't you going to go?"

"Yeah, but Fred wanted us to stay to see if you got on safely." Soos looked at Fred.

"Thanks Fred, but as you see, I didn't get on. I'm still here."

"She knows. She's not blind like you were trying to be, now go ask. We'll stay here."

"Oh right; I'll be back. You just stay here."

"That's what I just said."

"Well, stick to it then. I'll be right back." Soos then left as Bob groaned.

"The next bus to Gravity Falls won't take off until tomorrow morning." He went to the animals, and told them the news.

"Okay." Bob said. "You can either stay here, or go to a hotel. But, we're leaving." A coyote howled at the moon. Bob sighed.

"Don't tell me you'll scared of that coyote's howl. You know, coyotes and dogs are closely related. Soos knelt down, begging and shivering,

 _"Please_." He begged. "I don't want to be left alone. My family forgot me in that corn maze, and Abuela says that it's better to have nice company, and I think you two of you fit that category."

Bob was about to say something when Fred meowed something at the bulldog. Bob sighed again. He looked at the human.

"Okay, you can go." Soos stood up and pumped his fist in congratulation.

 _"YEAH_!" He cheered. He looked down at the cat. "Thanks, Fred." He tickled her under the chin. "I like you." Fred closed her eyes in satisfaction.

 _"Okay_." Bob said to Soos. "We better go somewhere to get some sleep. We'll go back to the bus station in the morning a few minutes before it gets here, and you're a grown man. You shouldn't let your Abuela tell you what to do. You're in charge of your own life, not her." Soos saluted.

" _Roger that, Bob_!" Bob groaned with an eye roll, and the three went off. Fred mewed something at Bob and Bob answered back. Soos caught up with them.

"What did she say?" Soos asked Bob.

"She asked what you meant by Abuela."

"Oh, it's grandma, remember?"

"I know that, but Fred didn't."

"Oh." Soos then changed the subject. "So, why the meows? Can't she talk?" Bob turned to him, and frowned.

"No, she was a feral cat, and she lost her family to a fire."

"Oh." Soos looked at the cat, frowning as well. "I'm so sorry. How terrible that must have been."

"Yes, I took her in, and she refers me as 'father'. She has been mute ever since, nothing but talking to me in her cat speak."

"Oh. How can you talk to me then?" Bob sighed.

"Do I need a reason? Like your cartoons, there doesn't need to be logic."

"Fair enough. You win."

Minutes later, it began to rain. Bob groaned.

"Oh, great." He observed. "It's raining." He turned to his friends. "We better get a move on, and find shelter fast."

"Yeah!" Soos agreed. "It might rain cats and dogs." Bob glared at him. Soos saw this, and held his head in shame. "Sorry, I didn't mean to offend you dudes." They then ran to find a shelter.

A skinny woman then passed them. She stopped.

"Oh, you poor dears." She told them. "Would you like to come to my house, and we can get out of the rain?" Soos smiled.

"Sure." He told her. "Thank you very much." The woman smiled.

"You're so very welcome." Bob whispered to Soos.

"I have a bad feeling about this." Soos looked down at him.

 _"Nonsense_ , Bob!" He said. "She offered us a place to stay, and I think we should." Bob was about to say something, when the woman looked at Fred.

"Oh, you have a cat." She said. "We have two black cats. Hocus and Pocus."

"She owns two black cats named Hocus and Pocus." Bob told Soos.

"Bob, don't be rude." Soos told him.

"Oh, I'm sorry." The woman spoke. "Where are my manners?" She offered Soos her bony, skinny, hand to shake. "I'm Sabrina." Soos shook it as well.

"Nice to meet you." He looked down at Bob and Fred. "The cat is Fred and the bulldog is Bob. Before I learned Fred was a girl cat, I named him a boy's name, and she wanted me not to change it." Sabrina pretended to be interested, as she stood up.

"Uh-huh. That's interesting." She clasped her hands together. " _Okay,_ let's get out of this rain, shall we?"

"Yes." He was about to follow Sabrina when the dog pawed at his pants. Soos looked down at him.

 _"Soos_ ," He began. "I don't think we should follow her. She's a stranger. Didn't your abuela ever teach you to…"

"She's not a stranger." Soos told him. "She's Sabrina. Now, come on, Bob. Where's your sense of adventure. We're being poured on out here, and doesn't Fred hate water?"

Bob rolled his eyes as Soos went off. He looked at the feline. "Come on, Fred. We should follow. This idiot doesn't know the potential danger he's stumbling into." The cat meowed in agreement, and followed them all.

They went over the hill. Over it was a small hut.

"This is my home." Sabrina explained. "I live here with my sisters and cats." Soos sniffed something.

"I think they made your dinner." He said. Sabrina nodded in agreement.

"Yes, they did. I'm sure they won't mind you. We were expecting you, minus the dog and cat. But, they're more then welcome. We can make them cat food, and they can play with Hocus and Pocus. Who knows? They might even be friends." Soos was confused.

"You were expecting me?"

"I'll explain everything when we get inside."

"Oh, okay." Bob was about to tell him not to go, but Soos ignored him, and went after Sabrina. Bob groaned, and went after them. Fred did as well.

 _"I'm back, sisters_!" Sabrina announced as soon as they entered the house. "And I've brought company!" Two other skinny women came in to where they were.

"Welcome home, sister." One of them said.

"We've been waiting for you." The other added. "The food's ready." Sabrina smiled.

"Then we came just in time then." Two black cats scampered in next to Sabrina, mewing. Sabrina knelt down, and scratched each cat between the ears.

 _"Hello_ , Hocus and Pocus. How have you been since I left? Did you miss me?" Hocus and Pocus both meowed and purred. Sabrina's sisters then noticed Soos.

"Who's your friend, Sabrina?" The first one asked.

"Oh, sorry." Sabrina introduced. She stood up, and looked at Soos. "Soos, these are my sisters, Margaret, and Mila. Sisters, this is Soos." Soos smiled, and shook each lady's hand.

"How do you do?" He questioned.

"Good." Margaret answered. She had a big, pointy nose. "It's nice to have company."

"Very nice." Mila agreed. She looked at Sabrina. "Food's all ready, Sabrina." She looked back at Soos. "We made food for you too."

"Thanks." Soos thanked them. "I'm _starving!_ " He then was confused. "But, how did you know that I was coming?"

"We all saw you in that corn maze." Margaret answered. "Standing for hours."

"Sabrina felt so bad that she convinced us that you should come for dinner." Mila put in. Soos looked at Sabrina.

"That was so thoughtful of you." Soos said to her.

"Well, I couldn't _bare_ the thought of you staying in that cornfield for another minute." Sabrina responded. Sabrina's sisters then paid attention to Bob and Fred.

"And who are these delightful creatures?" Margaret wanted to know.

"The dog is Bob, and the cat is Fred. Fred is a girl cat."

"I thought they'll be good playmates for Hocus and Pocus." Sabrina told her sisters.

"Well, they'll have to eat from out of their bowls." Margaret said. "And we don't have dog food."

"Oh, that's okay." Soos said. "I'm sure Bob won't mind. He can just have water."

"Oh, no. He's our company too. I'm sure we have something for him."

"I think we have some steak." Mila said. Soos looked at Bob, then at them.

"Yeah; he'll have that." Mila smiled.

"Then I'll give one specially for him."

"Thanks; I think he'll appciate that very much." She then left to get it ready. Margaret clasped her hands together.

 _"Okay."_ She spoke. "Let's stop this chit-chatting, and eat."

 _"Right_!" Soos agreed.

"We should leave right now." Bob whispered to Soos. "It's not too late."

"No, Bob." He whispered back. "That would be rude."

" _Gah_! Fred, I can't reason with this guy." Fred just mewed. They all went to the kitchen.

 _"Wow_!" Soos observed when he saw the long table filled with food. There were tuna melts, a bowl of nuts, French fries, and ketchup for the fries. "They all look delicious; I can't wait to eat them!"

"And for dessert, we have ice cream or pecan pie." Margaret said. "You can make your decision of what to have afterwards."

"Thanks; I will." Mila then brought the food bowls, and bags of cat foods and steaks in the room. She sat the bowls down, and opened the steak bag, and put one in. She poured cat food in the other one. Fred then raced up to the bowls, and began to eat. Mila laughed. Bob went to them.

"You're hungry, aren't you? Eat up, there's plenty." She sat down with the others.

"Let's eat." Margaret said. And with that, they all dug in. Bob was about to say something to Soos when he realized it would be pointless. He looked at Fred, who was happily eating away, instead.

"How can you eat this stuff?" He questioned Fred as she ate. "Don't you know you're eating strangers' food? We shouldn't even be here! I don't care how much these foods looks good, I won't eat them!" His stomach them growled. "Although I _am_ hungry." He looked at the steak in his bowl. "And this steak does look tasty." He began to drool. "Maybe just one…no, got be strong, Bob. Don't even think about it." His stomach growled again. "No. Don't…think…." His stomach growled a third time, and he couldn't take it anymore. "Oh, what the heck!" He began to eat. Fred looked at him from the corner of her eye, and smiled. She resumed on eating.

"Oh, I'm _stuffed_!" Soos said after dinner was done. "I'm so full I can't eat one more thing!"

"Oh, _really?_ " Margaret asked. "Not even for desert?"

"Maybe if it's dessert." Margaret smiled.

"Perfect."

"I'll go get them!" Mila volunteered, standing up. She looked at Soos. "Pecan pie or ice cream." Soos thought about this. Sabrina stood up, collected all of the dirty plates and utensils and went to the kitchen. Mila came back with a plate of the pie and a plate of ice cream.

"What do you want?" He asked.

 _"Uh_ , I can't decide. I'll have them both." Mila was shocked at this.

 _"Really_? I thought you were full."

"Yeah, both. I always have room for dessert." Mila just shrugged as she put the plates on the table.

"Okay."

 _"Now_ I'm done." Soos said after his pie and ice cream.

" _Really_?" Mila asked. "No more?" Soos shook his head.

"No, we better get going." He tried to stand up, but couldn't, so Mila and Sabrina had to help him. _"Whoa! Yep_ ; my tummy must be saying that I ate too much. Well, thanks for having me, ladies. Come on Bob and Fred." The ladies groaned.

"Can't you stay?" Margaret wanted to know. "Because you are more than welcome to stay if you'd like."

"No, we have to find somewhere else to go so we can get to the bus station in the morning." All of them smiled at this. Bob nodded at this. Good for you, Soos. You're starting to be a genius.

"Well, why don't you stay here?"

 _"Yeah_!" Mila added. "We have an extra bed upstairs." Soos looked unsure.

"I won't be a bother to you all?"

 _"No, no_!" They all spoke at once.

"We'd be _happy_ if you stayed." Sabrina said. "I'll go get your bed ready, and tomorrow, you can go get on your bus." She then went upstairs. Soos smiled.

 _"Thanks_ ; I really like all of this hospitality; all right, since it looks like Sabrina is already getting my bed ready I'm staying." Mila and Margaret cheered. Bob face pawed himself. Oh, Soos. You were doing so well too.

As Soos was watching a rerun of Ducktuctive on TV on the sofa, while eating potato chips, Sabrina sat by him. Bob and Fred sat with him.

"Can I sit here?" Sabrina asked. Soos nodded.

"Go ahead." He said. "You already sat down." Sabrina looked at the TV. "What are you watching?"

"Ducktuctive. I already watched this one. It's the one where Ducktuctive solves a murder mystery on a train. It's one of my favorites." He plopped another chip in his mouth.

"Do you like the chips."

"Oh, _heck_ yeah! Potato chips that tastes like pizza? What's not to like?" Sabrina smiled.

"Good. I'm glad you like them. Mind if I watch the rest of the show with you?"

"Sure. I'll catch you up during the commercials."

When the show was done, Soos was fast asleep. Sabrina took Soos's arm, and smelled it. Bob and Fred saw all of this, and both were wondering the same thing. What was this lady doing?!

"Almost ready!" She told herself. Soos awoke, and screamed. He sat up.

"What are you doing?" Soos questioned.

"Nothing."

"Were you smelling my arm while I was napping?"

" _What_? No; that's crazy!"

"Oh, yeah, it is crazy." He gave her the empty chip bag. "I'm going to bed. Can you throw this away for me?"

"Sure." Soos yawned.

"Come on, Fred and Bob." The animals followed him.

After Soos said goodnight to the ladies, he went upstairs to bed. Fred went with him. Bob was about to go, when he heard Margret in the kitchen.

 _"So, Sabrina_ ," Margaret began. "How was the arm? Is it nice and fat yet?"

"Almost." Sabrina answered. "One more meal will surly do it." Bob went into the kitchen to eves drop.

 _"Perfect_! We'll prepare breakfast for him tomorrow, then it will be time for our breakfast!"

"I can't wait!" Mila put in. What were these women _planning?_! "And after we finish him, can we keep the cat?"

"Sure. There's plenty of room for another cat."

"What about the dog?" Sabrina wanted to know. Margaret shrugged.

"We'll get rid of him; we don't need him!" Bob gasped. He didn't like this one bit!

"Is the oven big enough?" Margaret opened the oven, and the three looked inside.

"It should be big enough." She closed it shut, and looked at her sisters.

"Poor guy! He is so gullible!"

"Yeah, he doesn't know that he is in the house with three witches that are about to eat him!" Bob gasped again. So, that was their plan! He knew these three were hiding something! And with that, he ran out and upstairs.

 _"Man_ ; he's so dumb!"

 _"I know_!" The witches all cackled. .

 _"Soos; Soos_!" Bob said to him as he was in the guest room where he and Fred were sleeping. "Are you awake? Oh, come on, Soos. You have to wake up now!" Bob, however, did wake up Fred. The cat yawned, got up, and went to him. She meowed to him in question.

 _"Oh, Fred_!" The dog said to her. "We need to wake up Soos. It's an emergency!" Fred meowed at him. "I know he's sleeping, and I'll tell you when I tell him, but you don't know the situation Fred. It's life or death I'm talking about!" Fred meowed. Fred sighed.

"Oh, I can't believe I'm about to do this." The dog went to Soos, and began licking him all over. Soos awoke, laughing.

"That tickles!" He laughed. " _Stop it_ ; no, don't. stop it." He noticed that it was Bob. "Oh, hey, Bob, what's up?"

"Soos, we need to get out of here. Those ladies, Margaret, Mila, and Sabrina, they'll all witches. They're evil!" Soos laughed.

"Oh, Bob. If they're 'evil', then why are they so nice to me, and giving me food, and giving me a place to stay for one night?"

"That's just a ploy. They're giving you all of those foods to fatten you up. Once you're fat enough, they're going to eat you, make Fred their new pet, and get rid of me!" Soos laughed some more.

"That's crazy!"

"I know it sounds crazy, but I'm not. I'm telling the truth. They're witches! We need to get out of here right now!"

"We'll get out of here…in the morning." He yawned. "Those ladies are nice, aren't witches, and they won't do those stuff to us. Now, goodnight, Bob. Goodnight, Fred." He fell asleep.

 _"But…but_ …Soos, wake up. Wake up _; WAKE UPPPPPPPPP_!" He then got angry.

" _Fine then_ , sleep and be eaten; I don't care!" He looked at Fred. "You believe me, don't you, Fred?" Fred meowed, yawned, and curled up to sleep next to Soos. Bob laid down as well. He too yawned.

"You guys will see tomorrow." And with that, he too, fell asleep.

Morning came. Soos woke up when he smelled something cooking down in the kitchen. He got up.

"That smells good." He went downstairs. Bob and Fred woke up, and went after him.

Once in the kitchen, he saw what smelled so good. There, on the table, was a plateful of Chocolate Chip Pancakes. His mouth watered, and he smacked his lips.

" _MMMMM_!" He said. "Chocolate Chip Pancakes. _Morning, ladies_!" Sabrina, Margaret, and Mila all looked at him. They all smiled.

" _Morning, Soos_!" They all greeted.

"Did you have a good sleep?" Sabrina asked. Soos nodded.

"I sure did." He then changed the subject. "Hey, this may sound crazy, but Bob the dog, can talk. He told me you three are evil witches, and are fattening me up to eat me, make Fred your new pet cat, and get rid of Bob." The witches laughed.

"That's _crazy_!" Margaret said. "We're not witches."

"And we sure won't do something terrible as eat you!" Mila added.

"We're only giving you food to be nice." Sabrina put in. Soos laughed too.

" _Yeah_!" He concluded. "It's crazy. You three are as nice as nice can be. But, Bob can talk. I don't know what he was talking about, well I could, but it sounds too crazy."

"Sit down, Soos." Margaret told him, pulling a chair out for him. "Enjoy your pancakes." Soos sat down.

"I sure will!" He then began eating. _"MMMM, yum, oh, yeah_ , I'm in heaven all right."

"Did you like your pancakes?" Sabrina asked Soos when done. Soos nodded. He looked at the three. "Once again, you ladies had made me happy as can be." The three all smiled. Sabrina took Soos' arm, and felt it all over. She looked at her sisters.

"He's all ready, sisters!" She told them. The sisters smiled. Soos was confused as he withdrew his arm.

" _Ready_?" He wanted to know. "Ready for what? And why did you feel my arm again?" Sabrina grabbed him, and dragged him towards the oven. Soos tried to pull away. "I'd love to stay, but Fred, Bob, and I should be getting to the bus station now. _Hello?_ Are you listening?" Sabrina looked at him.

"Oh, we're listening, Soos."

"Then, why are you still pulling me to the oven?"

"Because Soos," Margaret began. "My sisters and I are all witches, and we're going to cook you and eat you." Soos gulped. Bob was right!

"You should've listened to your dog." Mila told him with a cackle. "But now it's too late, and you're about to become our dinner!" They were pushing him in the oven.

 _"NOOOOOOO_!" Soos screamed, and ran off. Bob and Fred ran with him. The three witches went after him, and tried to block him. Soos ran into all of them and they fall to the floor. "I'm sorry ladies, but I am not on the menu!" He resumed running away.

 _"GET HIM_!" Margaret shouted. The three witches all stood up, and they all chased him.

"Oh no you don't!" Margaret said. She tried to put a spell on the door to make it close before Soos could escape, when Fred jumped on her and scratched her face. She screamed.

 _"Stop it; stop it_ , you stupid cat!" She jumped off. " _AHHHH_! My beautiful face! you will pay!" She tried to zap Fred, but missed due to Fred who kept dodging. " _Ugh_ ; stay still you stupid cat!" Fred ran near Mila and Sabrina, forcing the two to be accidently blasted by their leader. The three witches all began arguing at each other. Fred resumed running after Soos and Bob.

"Thanks, Fred!" Bob thanked the cat. "That was really brave." Fred mewed in response.

"What's that?" Soos asked.

"She says, "You're welcome"." Bob translated.

"Oh."

"There's a bus!" Bob said as they saw a bus park at the bus station. "Maybe it's yours."

They then dodged some blasts. They all looked up and noticed the witches on their brooms, cackling. They ran down the hill as the witches kept zapping them, as they dodged them all.

"You're not getting on that bus!" Margaret said.

"Yes I am!" Soos said back.

 _"Soos_!" Bob shouted at him. "You go on the bus; we'll deal with these three."

"Are you sure?" Soos asked. "I mean, they outnumber you, and they have magical witchy powers where you two do not."

"Yes, now _go!_ You need to get on that bus! Don't worry; we'll be fine!" Soos nodded, and resumed running down the hill. He yelled at it to wait when it started to leave.

" _Guys; I'm home_!" Soos announced the moment he entered the shack. Wendy was in a sofa, reading a magazine. Waddles was lying by her feet. She looked up, and ran to Soos, careful not to trip over Waddles.

 _"Oh my gosh_ , Soos, where were you? Are you okay?" Waddles ran over to him, and oinked.

"I'm great!" Soos told her. "But, where is everybody?"

"They went looking for you. I'll go give them a call, tell them you're here, safe and sound."

"Okay, thanks Wendy! When everybody's here, I have a story to tell that you and everybody else will never believe!"

 _"Soos_!" Mabel cried as soon as she, Dipper, Stan, Ford, Sheriff Blubs and Deputy Durland entered the shack. The kids ran to hug him. "You're home safe and sound!"

"Sorry we ditched you back there, Soos." Dipper apologized.

"Oh, that's okay, dudes." Soos responded. "Thank you for finding me. Trying to, that is."

"We were halfway back when Dipper spoke up." Stan explained. "I wanted to go back to the mystery shack, but Mabel wouldn't let me, not without you."

"And when we didn't find you, we called the police." Dipper put in.

"And Dipper called me to stay here in case you came back." Wendy said as well. "That was smart."

"So Soos, where were you after you left the corn maze?" Mabel wanted to know.

"It's a long story." Soos told her.

"Can you tell it?"

"Sure; let's go to the TV room, and I'll tell you all about it."

"I'll be in there shortly." Blubs spoke up. "I got to let the other officers know that the search is over."

" _Uh, Blubs_?" Durland asked him. "Are you sure we should? Shouldn't we be leaving?" Blubs looked at Durland.

"After this, Durland." He told his partner. "This might be interesting."

"Oh, it is." Soos said. "It's unbelievable."

"And that's how I found my way home." Soos concluded his story. He, Stan, Ford, Dipper, Wendy, the two police officers, Waddles and Mabel were all in the living room. The adults and Wendy were on the couch, as Mabel, Waddles, and Dipper were on the floor.

"You're right, Soos." Wendy said. "Your story was unbelievable."

"Not only unbelievable," Stan said. "It's _bogus_! That never happened to you, you're full of it! Well, we did ditch you in that corn maze all alone, but the rest is bogus." Wendy nodded in agreement.

"I have to agree, Soos." She said. "Talking dog? A female cat with a boy's name? Them being father and daughter? Three witches who were going to eat you? It almost sounds like a German fairy tale I've heard as a kid, minus the animals and no candy house. You've been hanging out with Mabel a lot, haven't you?" She stood up. "Well, since you're back, I'm going to go home."

"I can't believe we stayed, and listened to your story." Blubs argued. "When they might've been more important stuff we could've been doing."

"But, the story was interesting." Durland complimented. "You should write a story about it."

 _"Durland_!" Blubs shouted at him. _"Come_ ; we're going!" Durland got up and went by his partner.

"Yes, Sheriff."

"I know it sounds crazy." Soos told them. "But, it's the truth; I'm not making it up!"

"It's totally cray-cray, Soos." Wendy said.

"It's _ridiculous_!" Stan added. This gave Soos an idea.

 _"That's it!"_ He said. "I'll name my story, Soos' Ridiculously, Cray-Cray Journey Home! That way, people who read it will know of my adventure. My abuela will be so proud."

"Do yourself a favor, son." Blubs told him. "And don't bother."

"But, it's _true_ I tell you!" The officers, Stan, and Wendy left the room. Soos sighed.

"No one believes me." He said, sadly.

"We believe you." Mabel told him. Soos looked at her.

"You do?"

"Yeah," Dipper added. "With all of these strange things going on in Gravity Falls this summer, it's kind of hard not to."

"Even _I_ believe you!" Ford put in. "With all that's been going on; I'm surprised my brother and nobody else believes it." Waddles grunted. Mabel laughed.

"Even Waddles believes you." Mabel said. Soos got teary-eyed.

"Thanks, guys. It's nice to be believed." They all hugged him.

"We'll _always_ believe you." Mabel told him. Waddles oinked.

"Yeah." Dipper agreed. "Always." Soos smiled.

 _"Aw,_ thanks guys." He said. "I'm apprciate it. I appreciate it very much."

The next morning, when Stan went to the fridge to get a pop, the doorbell rang.

 _Hmmm_ , wonder who that is at this hour. Stan wondered. He closed the fridge, and went to the door. The doorbell rang again.

" _Yeah; yeah_!" He shouted at the door. "I'm coming!" He then answered it. There stood a man with a blue hat with stars on it, matching robe, and a long white beard on the other side. Beside him was a calico cat and a bulldog.

"Is Soos here?"

 _"SOOS_!" Stan called up to him. "A weird man with a long white beard in a wizard's outfit with a dog and a cat is here for you!" Soos came down, and went to the door. " _Hurry up_ ; we're opening up soon." He then left, drinking his pop. Soos looked at the man.

"Can I help you?" He wanted to know. The man smiled. He looked at the dog.

"No." Bob answered. "But, we just wanted you to know that we're safe and sound." Soos looked at the bulldog, and brightened. "This is Ian. He's a wizard, and we live with him now. He defeated the witches by using a spell on them."

"And I can talk now." Fred said. Soos smiled at the feline.

"That's great, Fred!" He complimented. Fred smiled.

"Thanks, I found my voice just as Margaret was going to kill Dad with a spell. Ian heard my yell from his stroll, and came to save the day."

 _"SOOS_!" Stan called.

 _"Ooh_ ; got to go!" Soos said. "The boss man is calling." He looked at Ian, and shook his hand. "Take good care of them."

"I will." Ian responded. "I promise." Soos closed the door, and went off just as Mabel and Dipper came down.

"Was that Bob and Fred?" Mabel asked. Soos smiled at her.

"Yes. It was. And it was also their new master, a real life wizard who got rid of the witches." Mabel smiled.

"Cool."

During break time, Soos went on the computer in his room to start his story. He called it: 'Soos' Ridiculously Cray-Cray Journey Home'

'I spent hours and hours in that corn maze.' He began. 'It was coming twilight, and crows flew on me, thinking I was a scarecrow. I laughed as their feathers

tickled me.'


End file.
